Summary: d
today was unpleasant there's something weird going on in like a weird cosmic heavenly way I don't know if I'm allowed to talk about it. but it rained and that was kind of my fault. I went outside to meet some people and they weren't there. the park was a 30 minute walk from my house I don't want to go that far again I don't like to. it was farther into campus so lots of people and eyes and stuff. but I'm also being protected at the moment so it wasn't as terrible as it would have been otherwise. but anyway I want to stay inside and work on my characters and draw and things grrrrr. I've never met completely new people before I wish it wasn't so terrifying. and I wish people were nicer
9/15/2024Summary: c
things don't feel as empty now there's colors and energy living in my brain and it's nice. a little unnerving for reasons but it's ok. I don't really want to go to class this week but I will! I started watching steins gate, it's fun I like it. I rly like okabe I want to be his friend !!!
9/12/2024Summary: b
I feel like something in me is broken up not in like a harrowing way but I feel like if I look down at my chest there's just gonna be a big hole there. so often I feel the presence of other things around me like gods or some weird creatures idk but I can tell that they're there and always was nice. scary sometimes but also nice sometimes. feels like I am losing touch with something. there isn't any shadow wrapped around my arms and my neck at the moment and I miss it whatever that thing is does ths make sense it does to me.
starting a new project in space research using wire instead of clay aahhhhhh. I've never used wire before might be fun
9/6/2024Summary: a
in space research I kept getting called on to share how I felt about some artwork we were shown and I didn't have anything to say. I a lot of the time don't know how art makes me feel exactly (bad at putting words to feelings in general. or anything abstract lol), I just know when I like something or I'm drawn to it ahhh. feels dumb when I don't have anything to say, I wish I did. anyway lost my balance walking home and my centipede sculpture fell out of my hands and it's legs broke so I have to fix them.
9/2/2024Summary: school
journal is up again..awesome. hellooo. what to say umm. idk. always work on this a little and then put it away and remove link because I always feel weird giving people my thoughts. but hi hi hi.
I'm back in universityyy. can't remember if I shared it on this site or even had it when I went to uni for the first time but um. got accepted into school in 2022 and tried to go and lasted 3 months. was very alone and paranoid and not well and didn't do anything and got scared of everyone on campus and the earth breaking into pieces and my brain exploded and had to go back home. it sucked!!! so that's why I was in online community college for a year instead. just transferred into a different university and am living with friends now. also joined a discord server for other uni transfers here and they talk to me!! and r very nice!! yay!!
my favorite jcket got clay in the pockets so I have to wash it now :( and our dryer is busted. oh well. most classes are fine, simple. space research already frustrates me kind of. first assignment is picking an animal and plant that represent us/personality and merging them into clay sculpture. idk what I'm doing rly. we were supposed to write in sketchbooks 10 things we like and dislike about ourselves and I couldn't think of anything for either. when thinking of myself nothing rly comes to mind. am just me. so actual explanation of it is gonna suck I think. chose centipede and common seagrass because both are very simple, not much thought to them or their behavior.
currently um. past few days have felt bad honestly. scared again. but I also am alive. and the god that told people I'm evil last time isn't saying it now. so I win yayyyy. server invited me to a movie night on friday. I said I'd go (frightening decision). will be looked at and don't like to be looked at. but they r nice and meeting them would be nice. so!!